Today I am preparing to head over to Middleboro, MA for the infamous Sip & Stroll {from 4-7pm YOU should definitely check it out!} It is an amazing event with 90+ vendors with an outdoor air market feel, friendly faces, fun music, full bar, raffles and food trucks! I have been doing this stroll for 3 years now and it is always hands down my most lucrative event- I am forever grateful for this Sip & Stroll. One question that I always get is, “When did you start Cozy Carmel?” or “What inspired you to start knitting blankets?” I love this question AND it is deeply personal. My boys are teenagers, 13 and 14 years old. They are very aware of the world around them and the fact that I am all over social media. They are picky about what I am ‘allowed’ to post about them, which pictures are ‘good enough’ to use on my social accounts and how much of their lives I share. I get that. I respect that, which is why I have never truly shared the origin of Cozy Carmel….until now.

{Deep breath} For those of you who know me, you know I am a true believer in communication in its truest form. Have the conversations, even the hard ones, talk it out, communication is key. I like to talk about EVERYTHING! I have also struggled with anxiety for years. In the past, I attached this negative stigma to anxiety and especially to taking anxiety meds. Two years ago I finally decided that it was time. I called the doctor and took the meds and man what a difference it made! It helped me to make better decisions for myself and my family. It’s safe to say that we were in crisis mode over here. My house was not a safe place, physically or emotionally. Unfortunately, my younger son also suffers from anxiety and it was coming out in the form of aggression (physical and verbal) towards me and my home. Have you ever lived in fear of your son? It’s gut wrenching, to say the least. I was in a constant state of fight or flight. If anyone else was treating me the way that he was, I would have left and never looked back. But, he’s my son. I had to help him. So began our journey with many doctors, hospital visits, ambulance transports, medication trials, therapists and in home services. It was a process, a gut wrenching, exhausting, seemingly never ending, process. I couldn’t see an end in sight. I felt trapped, defeated and hopeless. I needed a distraction. I kept seeing these large knit blankets posted on Etsy and Pinterest (follow me on pinterest- love my fall boards!) and I wanted to learn how to make one! So I watched a few YouTube videos, went to Michael’s to buy the yarn and started knitting. My first few blankets were horrendous (they are still in my basement as a reminder of how far I have come). I kept going, I persevered- anything to keep my mind, and my hands, busy. Completing blankets was satisfying and the response that I was getting from my family and friends was fulfilling. So I started selling them and was pleasantly surprised by the response. Fast forward a few months and Cozy Carmel was born. I had a purpose and a ‘job’ outside of a mother trying desperately to fight for her son. When he was meeting with therapists and doctors, both inside our home and in their office, I would knit. I kept my mind and my hands busy. I’m tearing up writing this because if you are mother of a kid who struggles on any level you understand the never ending fight that is motherhood. My son is a completely different person today. I truly enjoy spending time with him. We did the hard work, I never gave up (even though there were plenty of days when I insisted that I couldn’t do it one more day.) I leaned into my family and friends DAILY and they got me through. My son is often described now as the most kind, gentle, happy go lucky kid they know. He is coming into his own and I honestly enjoy spending time with him. He makes me laugh, genuinely cares about how I feel, never leaves a room without telling me that he loves me and enjoys spending time with ME! The hard work paid off and continues to pay off. Mental health is a journey and he will continue to become the best version of himself with ongoing therapy and having the hard conversations. I’ll never give up on him. Advocating for him was the best thing I ever did- I got my son back! And found this hidden talent of knitting! So there is the real story of how Cozy Carmel was born. Have the hard conversations, normalize mental health struggles, keep talking and NEVER lose sight of who you are and what you want.

Now I need to go for a run because that was the most vulnerable and honest post I have ever done.

xo,

Stacey